So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
