Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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