I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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