mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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