I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
