It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
