You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
