is wine microwaveable?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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