gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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