Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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