She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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