Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
