I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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