You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
