dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Randomize
