She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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