i just wanna soil my oats bro
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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