I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
no, he came in my armpit
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
