Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
