Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
