you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
