There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
