he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
