I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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