why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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