Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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