You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
