its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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