So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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