I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
