I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
