Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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