I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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