Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
