im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
