i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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