In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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