So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
