Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
