wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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