is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
