Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize