is wine microwaveable?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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