I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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