i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
