just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is it because I queefed?
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When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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