Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to get me chipped asap
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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