I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
