I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
