So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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