It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
