i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
