I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
