And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
