Will you blow on my dice?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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