so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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