Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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