yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize