question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
