we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
