FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
