Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
