My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
