I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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