Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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