She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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