I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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