Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
