apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
