3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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