just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
