We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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