Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
