According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
