i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
