I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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