Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
