How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize