she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
